I really don't want to forget moments that are so precious in life. Having a child drastically changes so many aspects of day-to-day living. It is so easy to get caught up in motions, schedules, routines. I love these things, but I don't want to miss moments in life that will be with me until I go home to Jesus. I want these things etched in my mind so if (and when) I lose another loved one, I can have these memories to cherish.
I didn't think I would need to worry about this at such a "young" age. I mean, 25 really is YOUNG! I don't always feel that way, but seriously...it is young! I still have friends getting married. That is the season I should be enjoying (that, and friends having children), right!? Not worrying about death and forgetting my dear ones who will go on before me. But, life brings tragedies that we cannot foresee and I am learning this again and again. It's overwhelming. 25 is not the time in life where you start losing your friends and peers to death...that is supposed to be when you are 70, 80, 90...
Sadly, cancer and disease, depression and sickness, these illnesses that we are so fearful of truly do wreak havoc on our innocent youth. They come in like thieves and steal the breath from our dearest ones. I don't mean to be so dark, but there is this hole in my heart and I am still working through the emptiness left behind.
This has become my place for writing my moments that are not so glamorous. The moments that aren't so easy to Instagram or Facebook. The gritty parts of my difficult days. Bouts of depression, but also streams of grace and overwhelming blessings. Those moments where I do not wish to reveal my heart to anything or anyone but paper, knowing that I truly desire an ear that is willing to hear. I have this knack for not talking these deep inner-workings of my twisty mind to the ones whom I know love me and want to help. Instead, I must get them down before they can be revealed. Articulation is somehow not my strong point. Although I am extremely gifted in long-windedness.
Back to where I started: I need to organize my life's memories that are in pictures and videos. There are many to treasure and they are rather scattered at the moment. ORGANIZATION! It is also not my strong suit.
Goodnight.